Chapter 6 – Faced With An Impossible Choice

Broken Hearts

The memory is fuzzy. I can’t recall the doctor’s name. She was young, pretty, and kind. But, she was basically a stranger. A stranger who was asking me and my wife to make the hardest decision of our lives. More on that in a moment.

The consensus is that Maeve wasn’t doing well. She wasn’t growing. She wasn’t thriving in her momma’s belly. Bodhi was hitting all of his growth targets no problemo. Twin sis was just having a tough time keeping up with bro. He was hogging all of the good stuff 😉

We had also recently seen a pediatric cardiologist who found heart irregularities in both babies. The Doc explained everything, including the possibility of surgery. The thought of our tiny babies needing open heart surgery scared us half to death. More crying. More pain. More sadness. I started to feel like my world was made of glass, and every doctor we met had a hammer. Tap… crack… tap… crack… only a matter of time…

The Choice

The judgement of Solomon tells the tale of two women fighting over a child. As the story goes, both women give birth to a child in the night, but one of the babies dies before dawn. The women both claim that the living baby is their own, and the dead child belongs to the other. King Solomon asks someone to bring him a sword so he may cut the baby in half to be shared equally. The real mother begs that the baby’s life be spared, and that he be given to the other woman. She was willing to give the child away to save his life.

Most parents would do anything to save their child. What would they do when faced with a choice like this?

  1. Emergency surgery now to try to save your daughter, but risk losing both twins in the process.
  2. Let things progress naturally, which will increase your son’s chance of survival, but not your daughter’s.

It was the hardest decision we had ever faced. I recall the room being dark. The doctor did her best to show empathy before leaving Brooke and I alone to discuss the matter. She did a pretty good job for a stranger. Brooke cried. I cried. Brooke trembled. I trembled. We just wanted our twins to be healthy. We wanted both of them to be healthy.


Chapter 5 – Baby Mama Drama

Welcome back. One thing to keep in mind – while all this “baby-mama drama” was going on, we were also trying to start a new house-flipping business.

So, in between doctors appointments and trips to Clark Planetarium (to keep our 3-year-old happy), we were screening calls, setting appointments, marketing, etc.

we buy houses in utah
Anyone who has started a business knows that there is a sh#tload of stuff to do initially!

On one hand, it was nice being able to focus my energy on work. It helped relieve some of the anxiety I was feeling about the twins. On the other hand, the optimism I had been feeling about moving, the pregnancy, business, and life in general was starting to erode with every visit the “Building #7.”

If you’ve ever visited the IHC Hospital in Murray, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Each building has a huge number on the front. Building #7 is the Women’s Center.

Learning of the twins’ growth discrepancies was just the beginning. Each subsequent trip to this place got worse. Brooke tried to keep her head up. She tried to reassure me that Maeve was just small. “Maeve is a fighter. She is strong. She will be ok.”

I truly wanted to believe her. I hoped and prayed that Brooke was right, and that Maeve would prove to be the warrior we knew she could be. But there was that feeling in my gut. Something primal that no words could pacify.

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As you can imagine, it’s hard to engage in day to day business tasks when you are consumed with fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt about the safety and health of your kids. Darn near impossible, actually!

But, I buried my head in work every chance I got. Working on the website. Setting up a direct mail campaign. Reaching out to mentors and mastermind groups.

If I stopped working for even a moment, the gut feeling would take over. Fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt… gnawed at me. It began to wear me down.

I was scared.


Chapter 4 – Falling In Love

The first few ultrasound appointments were so exciting. Getting to see those little babies squirming around in their momma’s belly was truly miraculous.

Then came the gender reveal. I had a hunch, and I was right – a boy and a girl!! Brooke and I fell in love with those cute little black and white ultrasound blobs immediately.

We started kicking around a few different names. I’ve always loved the name Brittany for a girl, but my wife vetoed that one almost immediately. We have both always really liked the name Bo for a boy.

The next ultrasound was equal parts excitement, elation, hope, joy, and anxiety. Our little girl, aka “Baby B,” was not growing as fast as our little boy, aka “Baby A.” But, both of their sweet little hearts were beating loud and clear.

They were so cute snuggling in Momma’s belly. Their heads were always right beside each other!

When I heard about the growth discrepancies, I began to worry. Feelings of fear and despair began to grow deep within my core. I’m sure every father of a little girl experiences this at some point in their life.

I’m talking about the fear that something might be wrong – my little girl might be in danger – and I‘m helplessly unable to protect her.

I never once worried about our little boy. My gut told me he would be just fine. But that darling little baby girl had me in knots…


Chapter 3 – The Unexpected

I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t even think that it was a possibility. The signs were there, but I was blind. Our lives were forever altered on that fateful day of October 5th, 2018.

A few months earlier, my wife was making breakfast. She opened a carton of eggs, and started cracking. The first egg hit the pan, and she noticed something odd… two yolks. She cracked another one, and again, two yolks. She cracked another one… two yolks!!

My wife claims she knew at that time. My dumbass didn’t even give it a second thought. I just remember sitting there in that office with my jaw hanging open as I stared at the blue screen. There they were, squirming with life right in front of our faces. The midwife looked at us and said, “Congratulations guys, you’re having twins!”

Hello my beautiful babies!

I will try to summarize the roller coaster of emotions I felt in the moments that followed: Shocked, elated, scared, hopeful, worried, dumbfounded, joyous, proud.” Those are just a few. I literally had “all the feels” as my sister would say.



Chapter 1 – False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.

FEAR. It may be the single most destructive human emotion in existence. How many times a day does fear creep in? Are we even aware of its presence, or does it just live inside us like a parasite slowly consuming its host with each tick of the clock. Who put it there, and why? Who propagates it, and for what purpose? Can the battle with fear ever be won?

At some point, we all come face to face with our own worst fears. I’m reminded of the scene where Yoda sends Luke into the cave to face his fears.

“What is in the cave, Yoda?”
“Only what you take with you.”

Many of us spend our lives running and hiding from our fears. Luke is forced to confront his worst fears in order to grow and become the warrior he is meant to be. What was the risk involved? What did Luke have to lose?

Nothing you nerds, it’s only a movie!

Seriously though, what would happen if we decided to confront our fears? What’s really at stake when you decide to take those risks?

I’ll tell you what I risked in the next chapter. Thanks for reading!