Chapter 6 – Faced With An Impossible Choice

Broken Hearts

The memory is fuzzy. I can’t recall the doctor’s name. She was young, pretty, and kind. But, she was basically a stranger. A stranger who was asking me and my wife to make the hardest decision of our lives. More on that in a moment.

The consensus is that Maeve wasn’t doing well. She wasn’t growing. She wasn’t thriving in her momma’s belly. Bodhi was hitting all of his growth targets no problemo. Twin sis was just having a tough time keeping up with bro. He was hogging all of the good stuff 😉

We had also recently seen a pediatric cardiologist who found heart irregularities in both babies. The Doc explained everything, including the possibility of surgery. The thought of our tiny babies needing open heart surgery scared us half to death. More crying. More pain. More sadness. I started to feel like my world was made of glass, and every doctor we met had a hammer. Tap… crack… tap… crack… only a matter of time…

The Choice

The judgement of Solomon tells the tale of two women fighting over a child. As the story goes, both women give birth to a child in the night, but one of the babies dies before dawn. The women both claim that the living baby is their own, and the dead child belongs to the other. King Solomon asks someone to bring him a sword so he may cut the baby in half to be shared equally. The real mother begs that the baby’s life be spared, and that he be given to the other woman. She was willing to give the child away to save his life.

Most parents would do anything to save their child. What would they do when faced with a choice like this?

  1. Emergency surgery now to try to save your daughter, but risk losing both twins in the process.
  2. Let things progress naturally, which will increase your son’s chance of survival, but not your daughter’s.

It was the hardest decision we had ever faced. I recall the room being dark. The doctor did her best to show empathy before leaving Brooke and I alone to discuss the matter. She did a pretty good job for a stranger. Brooke cried. I cried. Brooke trembled. I trembled. We just wanted our twins to be healthy. We wanted both of them to be healthy.


Chapter 4 – Falling In Love

The first few ultrasound appointments were so exciting. Getting to see those little babies squirming around in their momma’s belly was truly miraculous.

Then came the gender reveal. I had a hunch, and I was right – a boy and a girl!! Brooke and I fell in love with those cute little black and white ultrasound blobs immediately.

We started kicking around a few different names. I’ve always loved the name Brittany for a girl, but my wife vetoed that one almost immediately. We have both always really liked the name Bo for a boy.

The next ultrasound was equal parts excitement, elation, hope, joy, and anxiety. Our little girl, aka “Baby B,” was not growing as fast as our little boy, aka “Baby A.” But, both of their sweet little hearts were beating loud and clear.

They were so cute snuggling in Momma’s belly. Their heads were always right beside each other!

When I heard about the growth discrepancies, I began to worry. Feelings of fear and despair began to grow deep within my core. I’m sure every father of a little girl experiences this at some point in their life.

I’m talking about the fear that something might be wrong – my little girl might be in danger – and I‘m helplessly unable to protect her.

I never once worried about our little boy. My gut told me he would be just fine. But that darling little baby girl had me in knots…


Chapter 3 – The Unexpected

I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t even think that it was a possibility. The signs were there, but I was blind. Our lives were forever altered on that fateful day of October 5th, 2018.

A few months earlier, my wife was making breakfast. She opened a carton of eggs, and started cracking. The first egg hit the pan, and she noticed something odd… two yolks. She cracked another one, and again, two yolks. She cracked another one… two yolks!!

My wife claims she knew at that time. My dumbass didn’t even give it a second thought. I just remember sitting there in that office with my jaw hanging open as I stared at the blue screen. There they were, squirming with life right in front of our faces. The midwife looked at us and said, “Congratulations guys, you’re having twins!”

Hello my beautiful babies!

I will try to summarize the roller coaster of emotions I felt in the moments that followed: Shocked, elated, scared, hopeful, worried, dumbfounded, joyous, proud.” Those are just a few. I literally had “all the feels” as my sister would say.